My Nerdy Friend had the Biggest Dick I've ever Seen [FM].
It made me laugh so much to write this.
I've met smart guys before because I went to law school. They are my people. I can talk to them. They were my favourite people to make out with while drunk.
It was really weird with one of my friends, but they were so cute. He wasn't ready to ask me out until it was too late. He was a late bloomer who hadn't yet realised he was beautiful. About halfway through 2L year, I found out he was a virgin. I thought it was because he was so shy.
I now have other ideas...
Also, everyone, he became a patent lawyer and married a model. Before I go on, I want to say that this guy was okay. This story gets rough.
He lived in a big house off campus with eight of our friends. I went to his place for a party one night, and we started to flirt. In fact, I tried to flirt with him, but he wasn't really paying attention. I was trying really hard to get him to talk about something controversial, like how his Ivy League school kicked him out of the robots club. It was really nerdy stuff that I wasn't getting.
I don't want to sound like a jerk. I was drunk and bored. Please don't hurt me.
I finally kiss this guy. He tenses up, looks at me with complete fear, and then says sorry. "That was the wrong thing to say, huh?" he asks me. I just shrug. After a cute moment, he puts down his drink, grabs my shoulders, and gives me a very awkward kiss back. He looked very scared, but it was really sweet.
Pulls away, gets a bottle of wine, and tells us to talk in his room. When I ask him if he's just trying to get me drunk and alone, he feels terrible and says he's sorry a million times. I know I'm joking, so I just grab his hand and pull him upstairs.
I sit down on his bed right away, and he walks around the room uncomfortably while telling me about his Legos. His. Bricks. Then he tells me he's a virgin without being asked, and I shrug and say I already knew that.
It's law school. We all know every thing about each other.
I also let him know that we're not going to have sex. It's all I want to do is get drunk and make out with someone. He really likes this plan. We talk about how he's had a crush on me for a while, and I tell him I've always thought he was hot. This will give him the confidence boost he needs to put down those Legos, take off his glasses, and come make out with me. He climbs on top of me, and I begin very lightly dry humps.
That's when I feel it. He is... big, and he's very hard through his trousers. Large is way too little of a word. Even though pants can be hard to get a good idea of size, the unusually big bulge made it clear what size she was. He steps back, and it looks like he sees my surprise. He gets very nervous, and he asks me if something is wrong. We went back to making out after I shook my head.
I have to see it anyway.
As I move my hand down his back and around his belt, I finally reach for his behind. Wow, that's crazy. I can't figure out how this poor man walks straight. While I kiss him, he thinks I'm just giving him a handjob over his trousers and says how good it feels. The truth is that this is more of a research mission for my gender.
I put my hand in his trousers and touch him for about two seconds before he pulls away and says he needs a moment. Okay, that's fine with me. I'm still processing the fact that my fingers couldn't even get around it.
"Are you sick?" He asks as he sees that I'm not sure what to do.
How do you explain this to someone who doesn't seem to understand? There is no one who teaches you how to tell someone their dick is way too big.
I jump in. "Hey dude, I have to ask: Has anyone ever told you that your penis is huge?"
He gets very red and can't look me in the eye. "Kind of."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, a girl once told me it was better than average."
These things have never been talked about before, which scares me. Still today, I don't know if he's just being shy or if I'm the first person he's told this to, but he seems really shocked.
"Do you watch sex?" I ask him.
He gives a small nod and a shrug.
"Okay," I say next, "have you ever noticed that your dick is a lot bigger than most men's in porn?" Who here has really big dicks?"
I promise I'm not trying to make this poor, shy man feel bad, but I'm also shocked that I'm acting so weird. I also don't know how to answer this.
He laughs and says, "I might only have a small sample size." I promise that's not the problem. This makes us both laugh, and the stress finally goes away.
I happily answer "yes" when he asks if I want to see it. I will not miss seeing the Eiffel Tower if I am already in Paris. Without delay, he takes off his trousers, and he lets me stare for a moment.
I'm not sure if I should be pleased or scared. There are a million ways I could write this, but the only word that comes to mind is "odd."
"I can't say this enough: your dick is the biggest I've ever seen." “Never.”
He has a huge smile on his face now and seems very happy with himself. I tell him I don't think it's even possible to want to know what it felt like. I've deep-throated some big dicks before, bro, but I think this guy wouldn't even fit halfway down my mouth, let alone anywhere else.
I tell him, "One day you'll make some girl very happy." "Might be a little sore for a while, but I'm so happy."
He tries to kiss me again and again after that, but there's not much magic left. After kissing for a while, I tell him it's getting late and I need to go home. Also, I need to look him up on Google to see if he has a medical problem because I didn't know this could happen on its own.
Someone in his room reportedly found out that he did have the biggest dick I've ever seen, even though I didn't tell anyone about it. It didn't bother me that the rumour spread like flames through our law school. We had a great time with this guy in school the rest of the time. He slept with more women than the movie star we graduated with. In high school, this guy did not stay a virgin.
I was asked to go to his wedding a while ago. In her speech, the lady said that he comes as a surprise.
She's the story's real star.
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