My Lover Talks to Himself. Something Spoke Back One Day.
I didn't think much of it the first time I saw that my boyfriend was talking to himself. I do it too sometimes. I believe that most people do. He did it in such a quiet way that I have no idea how long it had been going on. He might have always done it. I thought he might be singing for a while because his lips were moving quickly and his voice was almost a whisper.
He would look down while doing it, whether he was on his phone or doing housework. It might have been a need. I was thinking of the nicest way to bring it up without making it seem like I was judging him, like a tic or even Tourette's.
Everything came to a head on Saturday. Daniel was making us food in the kitchen while I was mindlessly looking through my phone in the living room.
Just then, he ran into the room and stopped at my feet, his eyes wild.
He didn't scream "Stop it!" but his voice was high, like he was telling a kid to behave.
I hit my face with my phone because I wasn't ready for him to bark an order at me like that.
"What? "What am I doing?" I snapped back. I didn't understand why he was yelling at me for being on my phone.
He wasn't looking at me, though. He was looking at something over my shoulder from behind me. When I looked back, there was nothing there. I looked back and forth between my boyfriend and the empty space behind me to try to figure out what was going on.
He quickly blinked and looked down at me. He looked upset.
He said, "I'm sorry," shook his head, and rubbed his theaves.
"I thought I saw something behind you," he said slowly while shaking his head yet again.
I got up and yelled at him.
"What was it?" Nothing there? "You scared me by coming in here like that," I told him.
He kept shaking his head and walked into the kitchen. I went back to my phone and scrolled. But I couldn't help but look back at Daniel and then at myself. It scared me. He didn't seem to be in a good mood the rest of the morning. He kept moving his hands around, which is something he only does when he's mad.
I told them to leave the flat and go somewhere for lunch when noon came around. Daniel agreed right away. We were both glad to leave the house. It made him feel better, and I was getting bored from being inside for so long. We held hands and leaned into each other on the way back to the flat.
"Are you okay now?" You looked really jittery this morning. "Do you think you saw a shadow?" I tried to keep things light when I asked.
The way he looked at me made me think he was thinking about what he was going to say.
"I believe you; I believe I saw a shadow or something." "Or maybe I was still dreaming," he said with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.
I chose to drop it. To be honest, I thought he was embarrassed. He was scared over nothing and was thinking about how I would respond.
My alarm that night woke me up with Daniel's voice. Even though he was whispering, I woke up because of the soft drone of his voice. I just lay there and listened; I wasn't going to get up or talk to him while I was still only half awake. I would go back to sleep as soon as he stopped talking to himself.
During the day, I could never make out what he was saying. But tonight, even though it was barely audible, I could certainly understand him.
"I'm not going to hurt her like that." You also can't touch her. You told me you would. "You told me this time would be different," he said in a harsh, demanding voice.
I was about to say something. I thought he might not even be awake at this point; he might be talking in his sleep. At that moment, I heard a voice answer him.
It was clear and different. Even as I tried to make sense of what I was hearing, my heart started to beat fast. After hearing Daniel's voice, this new sound was different from anything I had heard before. I could only make out the tone of the voice when it spoke. I wasn't sure if it was a man or a woman. It did sound angry, though.
Then Daniel moved around in bed and touched my back. I didn't do anything; I just laid there still as if I were asleep.
"You're not right. She is still asleep. Daniel snarled at the voice, "She can't hear us anything."
The voice spoke back. The sound was both demanding and harsh, but I still couldn't make out the words.
"So what. That's all for tonight. I'm worn out. He hissed, "You can talk to me tomorrow when I wake up," and then he laid down next to me again.
The bedroom was very quiet. Daniel's breathing slowed down and he began to lightly snore after a while. He was sound asleep. I wanted to join him, but I couldn't. Only now did I feel my racing heart slow down into a steady beat. I wanted to get out of bed and look around the bedroom. I didn't, though. I was too scared to get up and look around to see what else was in the room with us.
I did fall asleep in the end, but it felt more like I was passing out than really sleeping. When I woke up, I saw that the bedroom window was letting in morning light. Getting up, I looked around the room because I was sitting down. There wasn't anything strange in the room with me. There was only a mountain of dirty clothes that needed to be cleaned.
I rubbed my eyes because I could feel a headache coming on. When I woke up, I could tell myself that I had just dreamed or been hallucinating. Daniel walked into the room at that very moment and gave me a big smile.
"You slept in way too late. Are you really that worn out?" He asked as he walked into the room and sat down next to me. He gave me his coffee cup. I slowly took it and sipped. The warmth from the drink was making me feel better.
"Last night I didn't sleep well. "I think I was having a bad dream," I said as I sipped my coffee.
Daniel made a face and rubbed my back.
"Bad thing. Even though he was still rubbing my back, he asked, "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"
I shrugged and kept drinking my coffee, not sure if I should talk to him about what happened last night or try to act like it was just a bad dream.
"No, it's going away now." "I don't even remember what it was about," I said as I stood up. I was hungry and hoped Daniel had left me some food.
He hadn't because he hadn't made anything yet. He began making something after waiting for me to wake up.
It was my offer to make us some food. Mostly because I really wanted waffles and Daniel is terrible at making them. I began to look for what I needed in the cabinets and fridge.
I was making breakfast when I looked up and saw Daniel looking at the corner of the living room with his eyes closed. I could tell he was talking to himself again because his lips were moving quickly. I turned away. This shouldn't have been done yet. More coffee and food made me feel better before I could handle anything crazy this morning.
Daniel walked up next to me as soon as I poured out the flour and milk, which made me jump a little. He scared me, so I yelled at him.
I hissed, "Jesus Daniel, you need to stop sneaking up on me like that." I was mad enough that I hadn't slept yet, and now he had to wake me up too.
He said, "I'm sorry," but his eyes kept moving back and forth between me and the living room. "But I think we should have brunch instead."
I turned my head away. "The milk and flour are already gone, and I don't want them to go to waste."
He licked his lips and then spoke again.
"Hold on!" It's a treat for me. Right now I just can't be in the room. He seemed upset as he talked to me.
I put the waffle mix down because it wasn't done yet and sighed.
"Okay, let's get brunch." "Sure, I could use a cappuccino and a mimosa," I said.
Daniel kept watching me as I quickly got dressed. Before he pushed me out the door, I didn't have time to brush my teeth. I felt like he pushed me out into the hallway.
Most of the time, I'm all for a lunch date, but he was acting so strangely that I was torn between being annoyed and worried.
I chose to talk about everything while we were eating breakfast. He was worried about something, and the more I thought about what happened last night, the more I felt worried. I think I just wanted him to let me know everything was fine. that I had dreamed everything and that this was a regular thing that I was making too big.
"I woke up for a short time last night. I believed I heard you talking to someone." I did my best to say it without a fuss.
Daniel coughed on his eggs benedict and looked shocked at me.
"What are you gonna say?" Last night, I didn't talk to anyone," He gave me a wide-eyed look. He lied a lot.
"Babe, don't worry. It's okay if you were thinking or if you have Tourette's or tik. I'm not here to judge you. I'm just letting you know that I saw it. Anyway, I think I was dreaming through some of it because I thought I heard something answer you." When I reached out to grab his hand, he quickly took it away.
"Last night you had a bad dream. Last night, I didn't talk. I was sound asleep the whole time. He was shaking and looking around like he was looking for someone while he talked.
I let out a sigh and went back to eating my food. Daniel put down his fork and looked everywhere but at me. He had forgotten to eat breakfast. This wasn't supposed to happen. He might not have been ready to talk about this in public.
Daniel grabbed my arm and made me face him as we walked home after paying the bill. He looked scared and his eyes were cloudy. When I got scared, I put my hand on his chest and could feel his heart beating.
"Hey, are you okay?" It looks like you're getting sick. So I could take his temperature, I put my hand on his face. But he pushed my hand away.
"For today, I think I should go back to my apartment." "I think I need some time to myself," he stuttered as he stepped away from me.
"Okay. "But if you get sick, I can take care of you if you come back with me," I begged.
He turned his head away.
"No, I think I need some alone time." I stood on the curb and stared after him as he turned and walked away. We could walk to both of our homes. One good thing about city life. He was always at my house, so much so that we lived together, so going home alone felt strange.
During the day, I texted him but never heard back. When I called, it went to voice mail. Any anger I had toward him was gone, and I only cared about him. It was getting late, and I was about to go over to his house to talk to him when he finally called me back.
"What's Daniel?" Are you all right? I was worried because you haven't replied to my message all day. I was about to go to your house." I quickly said.
"No! Stay away from this. He whispered, "It's not safe." He was hard for me to hear.
"Why do you think it's not safe?" Who is safe? "You or me?" I asked, my voice rising in fear.
It was "for you," he sputtered.
"Why? I don't think you mean to hurt me, do you? I was yelling on the phone, "Or is someone else threatening to hurt me?" I didn't know what to think because this was so not like him.
He hissed back at me, "We need to break up."
"Don't come near me." He seemed to be crying when he said, "You need to stay safe." That was the end of the call.
I was shocked and stared at my phone. I'm sure he didn't just call me and break up with me. I called again. Then over and over. Go straight to voice mail. I texted and used WhatsApp to send notes, but no one replied.
I cried the rest of the night and didn't fall asleep until I took a sleeping pill because I knew I needed it. Daniel never answered any of the messages I sent him. It was a few days before I gave up. I knew what they meant, and I wasn't going to throw myself at someone who wanted to push me away.
A few more days went by, and I started putting all the things he had left at my flat in a box to take to his. I cried while I did it. It's always hard to break up, but I thought our relationship was going well.
It was harder than I thought to drop off the box. I texted him to let him know that his stuff was outside his door. I was sure I was stopped at this point, but I wanted to let him know just in case. I stood in front of his door for a while. It made me want to knock on his door and see if he was there. I finally turned around and left. He was able to reach me because he knew my address. He also had my phone number. I still needed to get his key back for my place, though.
As I lay on my couch that night, I watched part of a movie and looked through my phone. I was getting rid of all the shots of Daniel and me.
"Hello there, Kendra," a soft voice said from behind me.
With my phone clenched to my chest, I gasped and jumped off the couch. It felt like someone was right next to my ear. There was nothing, though. My eyes quickly went to the TV. I might have heard it there. However, there was no one in the show whose name was Kendra. As I tried to make sense of what I had heard, my heart was racing. I thought right away of Daniel, his strange tik, and the voice I had heard that night.
I stayed up most of the night in the end. I felt scared. I did not want to be. Even though what I was feeling was crazy, it was still happening. I got up to leave the room, but I just sat down again instead. Where did I plan to go? Some places were open late, but everything else was closed. It was the middle of the night. I didn't like the idea of having to wait until morning to sit on an awkward bar stool and drink coffee.
It looked like the best thing to do was stay home. I almost sent Daniel a message, but I stopped myself. He wasn't going to answer anyhow.
Stayed on that couch until the shades let in the first few rays of light. I laughed. My worries were cooled down by the sun, and I finally felt like I could relax and fall asleep. As I closed my eyes and curled up on the couch to stay warm, I felt a hand lightly press against my back. I could almost feel claws digging through my shirt.
A voice said in Kendra's ear, "Don't go to sleep yet. We have so much to talk about."
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